Meet Donna Merchant, aka Mee Maw to her grandkids. She's my mom and lives in
Nanjemoy, MD. She and my dad, Bob Merchant, were married 45 years when he passed away on 7/26/2007 from
recurrent melanoma (don't put off having those moles checked!), nineteen days after I got married for the first time.
Mom suffers from bipolar disorder, (I'm not a doctor, and this blog is about our upcoming road trip, so
if you want to learn about bipolar disorder, click here) which surfaced after she broke her ankle on her job of cafeteria manager at Francis T. Evans Elementary School in Clinton, MD, and was off work for six weeks. The day she went back to work, she broke her other ankle, and was off for another six weeks. Long story short, she decided to retire before she broke anything else.
Mom's highs and lows are extreme, and she's what is called a "rapid cycler" because of how quickly they come and go, but being stubborn, she won't take her medication on a consistent basis. When she's "low," she isolates herself and won't engage in "life." When she's "high," we affectionately call her "
Chatty Cathy" and she tends to go on shopping sprees. Yikes, I won't go there!
Anyway, the lows got worse after Dad passed away, so when her newest grandchild, Violet Eve Selvadurai, was born on June 20, 2008, Mom planned a trip to see my sister Nichole and her husband, David, in Burbank, CA. They have another son, Kyle, who turned two on 8/8/08.
Burbank, CA is considered the
Media Capital of the World. Good thing too, since David is a very successful
storyboard artist, hence the Burbank locale. During Mee Maw's 5-week stay helping with the baby, doing the grandmother thing, hanging out in the 'hood, meeting the locals, spending money in all the gift shops, etc., she totally fell in love with the city and decided to move there!
Ha! I told myself,
as soon as she hits a "low" she'll come back to her senses, see the light, and forget about her plan to move. Besides, there's no way she could afford a house in this affluent area. She lives in a GORGEOUS 7,000 sf house on 115 acres where she is now--why would anyone in their right mind want to leave that? My dad and his brother Stanley built the house over three and a half years--how could she SELL dad's crowning achievement, his masterpiece, his "Mr. Merchant's Opus," especially now that he was gone?
That's sacrilegious! That's blasphemy! That's tyrrany!
Well, whatever it is, it just isn't right. But then again, Mom's not in her "right mind." Just ask my big sister Michelle, who lives next door! And my nephew Brandon who lives in Mom's basement. And Mom's mom Rita, aka Grandmaw, who lives in the mother-in-law apartment above Mom's three-car garage. Did I mention it's a big house?
So, let's get this straight: Mom is willing to sell her dream retirement house that she shared with her beloved husband for ten years, the same house in which she got to custom-design her very own kitchen, the same house where Dad poured his heart and soul into, and the same house that Stanley broke his foot after falling off the roof. She'll need to get rid of 45 years of accumulated junk (I lost track of how many sheds they have on the property); say goodbye to the peace and quiet of this secluded, wooded, retreat; force Brandon to either buy the house himself (which he'd never qualify for), or move out; make Grandmaw move with her away from friends and family; she'll have to leave her kids and grandkids behind; and move all the way across the country, 2,700+ miles away; just to live in this "nice" neighborhood???
What is that woman thinking???
At least when I moved from Temple Hills, MD to Colorado Springs, CO in 1996, I did it to end an adulterous affair and start a new, better life for me and my kids! I was YOUNG (28, not 65)! And desperately needed to escape. True, I didn't have a job, didn't know a soul, and was moving into a place I had never seen before, a place "found" for me by an apartment finder's service, but that was nothing like what my mom was considering.
On the plus side, Mom's house and land in Nanjemoy (plus a yard sale to sell most of her stuff) could net her enough money to buy a COTTAGE in Burbank, so she'd be even-steven, but I just can't imagine someone her age and health doing something like that! Not to mention she'll be uprooting her mother along with her! She explained that the house held too many sad memories of Dad, which I can empathize with, but c'mon! Can't she just go see a therapist and work through the sad stuff? And take her medication???
Maybe I'm being cynical, insensitive, and unreasonable, but I sure couldn't see the logic in this. I kept my questions and doubts to myself--I sure never appreciated when Mom tried to tell me how to live my life, and I sure wan't going to tell her how to live hers now.
Mom laughed uncomfortably when she told me Michelle was going to have the family doctor declare Mom "incompetent" so she couldn't "do anything stupid." Hmm, I'd support that. Mom's instability necessitated Michelle having power of attorney, paying Mom's bills, and being added as a signer on her checking account. Gotta' take care of the peeps, nahmean?
Anyway, while IMing with Michelle the other night, she mentioned she was driving Mom and Grandmaw to Burbank over Thanksgiving week! WHAT? I thought for sure Mom would come to her senses! I guess I underestimated Mom's stubbornness (like mother, like daughter, although I like to call mine "independent"). They reached a compromise: Mom would have to keep the house in Nanjemoy, but Michelle would let Mom rent a house in Burbank for 6 months from November to May as a sort of trial run. And did I know of anyone who could drive them back in the spring?
Hmm, I can see good and bad in this "compromise." One, it'll "make" Mom stay grounded in Nanjemoy where she will keep her house and not regret selling it during a "high." Two, it'll give Mom a chance to see if she can really survive in Burbank, maybe get a job, throw down some roots, that sort of thing. If things don't work out, she can always go back, but at least she will have given it an honest try and had a good time doing it. On the other hand, a $20,000 rental will put a huge dent in Mom's savings! Maybe that's Michelle's ulterior motive so that Mom can't afford a down-payment? Who knows?
Mom is determined, and if this is the only way she can do it, she's gonna' do it, by golly! Power to the Mother!
I, being "unemployed" by most people standards, volunteered to drive Mom and Grandmaw home, but with a couple of requirements: since money was tight, I asked if Mom could pay for my airfare from CO to CA, then from MD back to CO once I got her home. Michelle said she'd check with Mom but was hopeful, "Whatever it takes!"
In discussing the trip home with Mom over the phone a couple of days later, I told her about a show I saw on
Rocky Mountain PBS about a daughter who took her mother on a road trip along Route 66 (I tried doing a search and couldn't find it, so maybe it wasn't rmpbs). Not only did they see a lot of exciting landmarks, get in some great shopping, find some fantastic eats, but they also had a great bonding experience.
Yeah, Mom and I could benefit from some bonding. And Grandmaw bonding too!
We excitedly talked about some options: seeing Uncle Jerry and Aunt Patty in Las Vegas (or at least letting us use their condo if they're not there), visiting the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon, driving through Texas, seeing the countryside, taking LOTS of pictures. It would be a shame to travel across the entire country and not stop and smell the roses. Mom thought it was a great idea, so I told her I'd do some research and see what I could find. I only had to be back to Maryland in time for my middle daughter Shaina to graduate from my old high school,
Surrattsville, in Clinton, MD (Go, Hornets!), in late May. It was a very feasible plan!
So, hop aboard, and join us on the trip of a lifetime!
